Accepting Children's Appalling Behaviour As Normal is Becoming More Common - And Dangerous!
By Liz Marsden
It's a pretty obvious observation that adults accepting children's appalling behaviour as normal is dangerous and wrong...
But if you look around, read newspapers, chat to people and note what's happening in schools and society at large what do you see and hear?
Comments such as, 'What do you expect', 'We can't do anything because that's what kids are like now', 'We just have to put up with it', or 'Kids have changed and that's how they are now'.
It's just abject acceptance of disgraceful behaviour. It's become a regular response that there's nothing adults can do to prevent such behaviour. That is what's happening in schools and homes -- it's rife throughout society in general. But, who's going to do anything about bad behaviour if adults have decided that they can't tackle the situation?
If the bad behaviour is allowed to continue and become even worse it's too easy for adults to start thinking that this unbearable situation is normal - and it certainly isn't normal!
Children who display extreme and challenging behaviour in school must be dealt with... Well actually, this sort of behaviour shouldn't have to be dealt with because if effective behaviour management techniques are put into place earlier adults can prevent many of the behaviour problems that many are struggling with. The behaviour shouldn't be allowed to escalate - adults should rarely have to deal with anything beyond a child 'trying' to behave badly.
Is effective behaviour management trickery or magic? No it isn't! It's simply adults dealing with children's behaviour in a way that's plain common sense and this can be learned very easily. And you can see results very quickly. There's no magic involved. It just involves using extremely effective techniques.
However, it's trickier being involved in a situation that has already escalated and has been managed (mismanaged?) by others. It's nowhere near impossible but certainly more difficult!
Recently a boy had run away from school and the head teacher rightly wanted him back to face the consequences. She had been out with another teacher to look for him but an attempt to return him had failed. His dad rang school to say he'd reached home and wanted the boy to return to school but felt unable to get him there.
That created a dilemma. The boy had to return to school. The head teacher asked for help to collect the boy.
Eventually the boy was returned to school.
What was disturbing was what the father reported. Although there had been no evidence of bad behaviour at school, the boy's home behaviour had been deteriorating alarmingly. Before the boy had attended a PRU he'd completely ruled the roost - violence, aggression, tantrums - anything to get what he wanted. Guess what? He'd found out that this behaviour was successful! If so, why shouldn't he continue with this behaviour? He'd be pretty stupid not to continue that way when it got him what he wanted, wouldn't he? And stupid he's not!
His parents had taken advice and all this awful behaviour stopped. He'd returned to school successfully, behaving well in all his environments. Well, the awful behaviour stopped for as long as the adults put effective strategies into operation.
There's no question - if you stop managing children's behaviour the good behaviour you've achieved will stop happening. This case is a prime example of this principle. The parents stopped dealing with the behaviour properly and the child took back control with potentially devastating consequences.
So what was the parent's reaction to his behaviour? 'This is what we have to put up with....' 'That's just what he does...' 'We've tried but we can't do anything about it...'
They had to be reminded that they had managed his behaviour successfully before and that if they didn't get a grip of the situation it would only become worse. If the appalling behaviour he'd displayed at school that day happened again the next time it could be the police on the doorstep putting cuffs on him and putting him in a van followed by a police cell... That's an awful scenario to contemplate.
The parents also had to be warned about their apparent acceptance of their son's behaviour, reacting as if such behaviour was normal.
What was the father's reply? 'Well it is normal for us!'
But such behaviour isn't normal and the boy is behaving badly because nothing's being done to stop it... It's putting his future in jeopardy!
Like so many other children this is a very bright boy who has a poor future to look forward to if he's allowed to continue to behave so appallingly. His parents throwing up their hands in despair and accepting the unacceptable behaviour as normal is doing the boy no favours at all...
Of course these parents can re-establish their authority -- they've done it before so can do it again. Any adult can learn how to deal with children's behaviour confidently and effectively. It isn't difficult - in fact it's surprisingly easy... It's vital and critical for children's welfare...
But if you look around, read newspapers, chat to people and note what's happening in schools and society at large what do you see and hear?
Comments such as, 'What do you expect', 'We can't do anything because that's what kids are like now', 'We just have to put up with it', or 'Kids have changed and that's how they are now'.
It's just abject acceptance of disgraceful behaviour. It's become a regular response that there's nothing adults can do to prevent such behaviour. That is what's happening in schools and homes -- it's rife throughout society in general. But, who's going to do anything about bad behaviour if adults have decided that they can't tackle the situation?
If the bad behaviour is allowed to continue and become even worse it's too easy for adults to start thinking that this unbearable situation is normal - and it certainly isn't normal!
Children who display extreme and challenging behaviour in school must be dealt with... Well actually, this sort of behaviour shouldn't have to be dealt with because if effective behaviour management techniques are put into place earlier adults can prevent many of the behaviour problems that many are struggling with. The behaviour shouldn't be allowed to escalate - adults should rarely have to deal with anything beyond a child 'trying' to behave badly.
Is effective behaviour management trickery or magic? No it isn't! It's simply adults dealing with children's behaviour in a way that's plain common sense and this can be learned very easily. And you can see results very quickly. There's no magic involved. It just involves using extremely effective techniques.
However, it's trickier being involved in a situation that has already escalated and has been managed (mismanaged?) by others. It's nowhere near impossible but certainly more difficult!
Recently a boy had run away from school and the head teacher rightly wanted him back to face the consequences. She had been out with another teacher to look for him but an attempt to return him had failed. His dad rang school to say he'd reached home and wanted the boy to return to school but felt unable to get him there.
That created a dilemma. The boy had to return to school. The head teacher asked for help to collect the boy.
Eventually the boy was returned to school.
What was disturbing was what the father reported. Although there had been no evidence of bad behaviour at school, the boy's home behaviour had been deteriorating alarmingly. Before the boy had attended a PRU he'd completely ruled the roost - violence, aggression, tantrums - anything to get what he wanted. Guess what? He'd found out that this behaviour was successful! If so, why shouldn't he continue with this behaviour? He'd be pretty stupid not to continue that way when it got him what he wanted, wouldn't he? And stupid he's not!
His parents had taken advice and all this awful behaviour stopped. He'd returned to school successfully, behaving well in all his environments. Well, the awful behaviour stopped for as long as the adults put effective strategies into operation.
There's no question - if you stop managing children's behaviour the good behaviour you've achieved will stop happening. This case is a prime example of this principle. The parents stopped dealing with the behaviour properly and the child took back control with potentially devastating consequences.
So what was the parent's reaction to his behaviour? 'This is what we have to put up with....' 'That's just what he does...' 'We've tried but we can't do anything about it...'
They had to be reminded that they had managed his behaviour successfully before and that if they didn't get a grip of the situation it would only become worse. If the appalling behaviour he'd displayed at school that day happened again the next time it could be the police on the doorstep putting cuffs on him and putting him in a van followed by a police cell... That's an awful scenario to contemplate.
The parents also had to be warned about their apparent acceptance of their son's behaviour, reacting as if such behaviour was normal.
What was the father's reply? 'Well it is normal for us!'
But such behaviour isn't normal and the boy is behaving badly because nothing's being done to stop it... It's putting his future in jeopardy!
Like so many other children this is a very bright boy who has a poor future to look forward to if he's allowed to continue to behave so appallingly. His parents throwing up their hands in despair and accepting the unacceptable behaviour as normal is doing the boy no favours at all...
Of course these parents can re-establish their authority -- they've done it before so can do it again. Any adult can learn how to deal with children's behaviour confidently and effectively. It isn't difficult - in fact it's surprisingly easy... It's vital and critical for children's welfare...
Liz Marsden is a highly experienced and successful behaviour management expert who works with children demonstrating extreme and challenging behaviour in their mainstream school and homes. Liz uses her expertise to train teachers, student teachers, teaching assistants and parents to deal with children's behaviour effectively and confidently. Visit Liz's website at http://www.behaviourbible.com where you can access her easy to follow strategies and techniques. Take action, take control and reduce stress in adults and children.
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